9 posts tagged “life”

Oh good lord;

3 days ago
4 comments

I apologize for my lack of activity here in the past few weeks. I hope all of you are good and well and grand. Life has been busy, busy lately preparing for the big move! The move to Atlanta is rapidly approaching and with less than a month left here in Alabama I've been trying to spend every moment that I can [when I'm not working, of course] with Mister Christopher and his family - going to see movies and plays and such. It has been really good. I'll be moving the second week of August, so I've been trying to find some possible living places somewhat close to school. I don't know very much about how Atlanta is laid out or even the general location of things, so I'm depending on google maps to help me out. I will be visiting a few places this Saturday and I'm crossing my fingers that I will find that perfect spot. I would really hate to have to settle for something or pay more than I'd like. This is my first big move, my first time being on my own. I am excited but scared, since I don't know a single person in Atlanta. It will be fun to explore the city and explore myself at the same time though. : ]

for a moment i was a celestial being.

Jun 22, 2008
2 comments

"you fascinate me, like some foreign body"

Planet Elf.

I was told that yesterday in a moment of passionate ranting while watering the flowers outside of work. I suppose it wasn't meant to be taken seriously, but for a instant I thought about what Robbie told me: "You bring out something in people that they aren't used to. . . so they react to you in the strangest of ways." I didn't know what to say to that then and I don't know what to say now, because people do react to me in such strange and surprising ways sometimes. I talked to Robbie for a good long time on my lunch break yesterday.It was a good talk, as usual.
Lately I have been feeling like my world is so small. Most of the time this is okay, but there are moments when I feel like I'm stagnating or losing touch with myself all together. It doesn't feel good and I don't like it one bit. I am hoping it's just one of those things and I'll climb out of this funk feeling fresh and ready to take over the world again. Does anyone have any tips on coming out of the slumps?

if i lived alone.

Mar 10, 2008
2 comments

Hanging out the passenger's side.

"I guess I just prefer to see the dark side of things. The glass is always half empty. And cracked. And I just cut my lip on it. And chipped a tooth."

- Janeane Garofalo

Mister Christopher is back, and has been back and it's all been just grand. Except my luck, that is. Through some unfortunate events I ended up with a nail in the side of my tire a few days ago. I drove the forty-five minutes to troy to get new tires, only to have the tire with the nail in it blow two miles from the tire place. Sparkling glee. I changed to my spare, crying only after I got it on there and I was back in the car. What timing. Robbie picked me up and we went to Village Coffee for old time's sake. Sipped apple cider and played catch up. He broke if off with his girl, and I sighed a good riddance. He told me he wants me back and I told him to give me time. He asked if time meant until Chris was gone. I didn't say anything and he said okay. I haven't thought much about Chris being gone again. And for real this time. I know I don't mean to him what he means to me. He'll have another me within weeks once he gets to Austin. I'm dealing with that I guess. Holly came to see me at work yesterday, I was apprehensive at first but talking to her makes me realize that it's okay to feel. I want to be close to her and find myself wondering, even worrying if she still wants to move to Atlanta, and if she offers again, baby, I've got the itch so deep. My journal was stolen by a girl I was friends with. I hope she found out everything she wanted to know, and I hope it was worth our friendship. It's late and I want the biggest coffee that the cabinets can offer.

where is my mind?

Feb 25, 2008
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always on the floor.

it's after midnight thirty, baby, and i'm feelin' alive.

i find myself falling back into some bad, bad habits like staying out with friends until the wee morning when i have to be up and at school at seven, haphazard eating and drinking way more coffee than water. but how can i say no to a few drinks, a head with no worries and gettin' down to some swingin' tunes. i can't. all of this and more will catch up with me rather soon, i'm sure. christopher will be here tomorrow. you know what that makes me? the happiest girl in the whole wide world, that's what. it's true. i hate being away from him, i don't much feel like a whole person. i guess that's a little dramatic, but he leaves such an empty space when he goes away that i feel like i've been deflated. i feel insatiable with people that aren't him. so i obsess over every new face, new friend, until i'm bored with them and their tired same shit different day stories. he'll be by my side starting tomorrow and for the next long while that's where he'll be and i couldn't be happier.

give me some believable doubt.

Feb 9, 2008
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this is my life.

I just ate an entire bag of gummy bears minus the green ones because we all know they don't taste up to par with the others. I just ate the green ones now, too. I couldn't let them go to waste.Oh, no. My hormones are messing with me - as they like to do during bleed week. It's like I lose all control over my feelings and my thoughts and I know I'm losing control and can't do a thing about it. My mind freaking itself out. Oh, frustration. Let's throw in being hopelessly needy on top of all of that. I looked for apartments for a long time today. All the ones that I could afford were full. I guess that means we're all poor. It's cold, cold outside and all I want is to be warm and held and share some hot chocolate with the man I love.

Eighteen days until Chris is here with me again. I can't wait.

dreary, deary.

Feb 6, 2008
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Dakota-ing. Photo by Blakely.

    Sleep texting is a habit getting quite out of control; last night I sent this text to Blakely - nonsensical and nearly in cryptics : "tthe grass isa lways, grren where you .wa lk. c'mnm and stand by me," . Ridiculous. I shouldn't sleep with my phone in my bed another night. I awoke to an email on my phone from him this morning, apologizing for actions that he shouldn't feel sorry about and telling me that he finds me 'refreshingly real and cinematic'. He's a good kid, but he worries too much. Oh, there's a funny joke, me telling someone they worry too much. Ha. Ha.
    I feel alive and happy today in ways that would do my horoscope proud. I'm going to see Band of Horses tonight with Robster Lobster and his girl. Living, Living. Let's go.

    Twenty more days until Christopher is here again. I'm so ready.

elbow in the appropriate place;

Dec 10, 2007
1 comment

Round Tree

I did some exploring with Mister Christopher today - one of my favorite things in the whole wide world to do with one of my favorite people in the whole wide world to do anything with. I try not to think about things like 'who will I go exploring with when he's gone' or more like 'who will i do anything with when he's gone'. I just don't know. I'm going to be lost. I'm trying to, at least, hold off thinking about these things until he is gone and spend every moment that I have with him while he's here. He makes me the happiest girl in the world.

I want to set aside time to do something I've never done, perhaps in the field that I've photographed above. Watch the sun rise, and set. No, I've never done either of those things. I can see myself, in the cool, damp morning, wrapped in a blanket under the round tree enjoying a warm thermos of chai tea. Waiting. Waiting. Waiting. Watching. Then lounging in the evening, laying on the blanket I was wrapped in. . .with a book and a bottle of water. . .waiting. . .waiting. . .

Hopefully soon.

deal with dealing with it.

Nov 13, 2007
2 comments

Yes, I'm a bit out of my mind.

Sometimes I find it difficult just trying to deal - be it with school, work, relationships [or the lack of reality therein], or even in the daily jive of things. Though I've spent the past month working on straightening myself out and getting myself together, there are still days that I just can't seem to control my own insanity. Example: This morning I had a mandatory meeting at my workplace from 7am - 10am, the goal being to discuss the upcoming holiday season and

THUNDERBOLT

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our approach on sales, loss prevention - you know, the usual corporate 'make money' rant. I was there in body, but my mind was pondering elsewhere - and I don't mean glazing over, real dead man-zombie style, but thinking to the point of worrying, even scaring myself. I've become aware that I have two sides of myself that don't agree with each other at all, and I'm not talking total multiple personality disorder or anything of the like. The problem is more along the lines of one half of me being a total accepting realist and the other half a pathetically hopeless romantic. Sadly, the latter is the dominant half - and I can't seem to control it. This makes almost every serious chain of thought very difficult to handle because my mind is constantly finding ways to contradict itself. So as all of this and some scenarios were rolling around in my head this morning during the meeting, I panicked and knocked over my coffee cup [thankfully there was little in it to spill] as I jumped back into reality. I don't know why, or how these 'episodes' sneak up on me, or how I should go about dealing with them. Maybe it isn't insanity at all, maybe it's just living. Who knows.

Ferris Wheel

A lighter, less neurotic, note: I went to the annual National Peanut Festival here in Dothan, AL for the very first time. I've lived within an hour of Dothan nearly my entire life, and have never made any real effort to attend until this year. I had an awesome time, much to my surprise. There was an initial discomfort I had to get over, but once I did I had a really good time. Mister Christopher, Cindy, Jeremy and I were able to share a gondola on the big ferris wheel - which was slightly surreal to me due to a recurring dream I've had for the past year about Mister Christopher, and myself on a ferris wheel.. It was quite nice and fun. We also had a couple of slide races and hopped on a ride called CRAZYMOUSE, which was a total blast. Overall it was a pretty amazing night.

One more question: Do actions really speak louder than words?

Hello again, Vox.

Sep 24, 2007
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Hello, Stranger.

Oh, what a good while it has been. Life certainly hasn't become less hectic since my last post, that for one is certain. My absence has been spent working two jobs, figuring out where my life is headed, falling in love, and reinventing my world through art, photography, and some words.

I do hope to return to Vox as a regular user in the near future. I miss this place, and the people, a whole ton. But until then, I wish the best for everyone, and hope all is well.

xoxo
jessy.