3 posts tagged “blues”

Under the Weather Blues.

So here I lay in bed, trying to wind down for sleep, and filling my ears with Band of Horses. Why do I feel so uncomfortable and anxious. I can't put my finger on it. Jealousy? Uncertainty? No, I'm used to those feelings by now. I don't know what it is. . .Work was tame today, and by tame I mean mind-numbingly tedious. I stared at the floor a lot. It was a slow day,  slow as in everything seemed to be moving in slow motion. In frames.  I could almost feel my mind slipping away as I received six boxes from the UPS lady  [red lipstick lady, not brown ].  Lunch was okay. I had chicken tortilla soup and a white chocolate peppermint frappe. I pulled out my obby journal and sketched the woman sitting two seats down from me. She had fingers like a spider's legs and teeth like a jackal. She laughed a lot at whoever was at the other end of the phone line. And emphasized her syllables in a way I've never heard. I decided that I liked her okay - as far as strangers go, she was pretty interesting. Jennifer came in about twenty minutes earlier than her scheduled time,  and I was happy to have some living company. apart from the mindless customers that shuffle their little steps, eyes wide and confused. We talked about weekends, and embarrassing moments. I clocked out at my scheduled time but returned to talk with Jennifer for about two hours, though I really had no desire to do so. I just didn't want to come home, come home to this cold bed that I'm currently occupying. I was home by six thirty and I showered longer than normal. I was only on the couch for about eleven minutes before I started shaking uncontrollably from chills. I put on more clothes, some blankets and a heating pad - none of which helped at all. I undressed and ran a tub of steamy hot water and just sat in it until the shaking stopped. A good half hour it took. And now I feel sick and hungry but too sick to satisfy myself. I'm exhausted, but can't sleep. What kind of sense does that make?