Calling out of work the past two days was oh-so-nice. Friday we played around the house and went for ice cream. We wanted to have a 'stay up all night' kind of party and draw and write but I was totally not feeling inspired. Go figure. So rain-check on that. We ended up watching 'Steamboy', directed by Katsuhiro Otomo. I've seen it once before, and was reminded of how much I love it. Otomo delivers. Yesterday we went on a little road trip to the beach. We went to a couple of bike shops, since we're looking to build ourselves some bikes. We also went to a comic book store, which ended up being somewhat disappointing. It was more of a 'Super Hero' store, which is okay but they didn't have anything I was looking for. Their website was quite misleading. . .Man, I'm jonesing for some new comics. We walked on the beach for an hour or so, playing with all the little sand-digging creatures. There was one snail-like creature that lived in a cone shell who slimed my finger. Gah-ross. Then it was back home to watch movies: 'American Psycho' and part of 'Tron'.It was a wonderful break from everything. Back to the real world today, and work. This week the search for a new job must continue.
Laziness is the only excuse that I have for my lack of updates. Apologies. While I've been away I have been up to no good as usual. I chopped off all my hair [see photo] and have been obsessing over drawing and working on my new comix project - to be explained in detail soooooon. Work has been out of control lately,so I've taken it upon myself to do something that I never do and call out for the weekend, meaning today and tomorrow, and have a little stress-free fun with Mister Christopher! I've also been applying to art schools all over the place. I'm leaning toward Atlanta at the moment, but I'm questioning what I want to get out of it. Normally, I'd immediately say "animation" but there is absolutely no demand [meaning no work available] for animation majors. I'm thinking that I'll just have to feel my way through it once the time gets here. What is an aspiring comics genius to do? : ]
"I guess I just prefer to see the dark side of things. The glass is
always half empty. And cracked. And I just cut my lip on it. And
chipped a tooth."
- Janeane Garofalo
Mister Christopher is back, and has been back and it's all been just grand. Except my luck, that is. Through some unfortunate events I ended up with a nail in the side of my tire a few days ago. I drove the forty-five minutes to troy to get new tires, only to have the tire with the nail in it blow two miles from the tire place. Sparkling glee. I changed to my spare, crying only after I got it on there and I was back in the car. What timing. Robbie picked me up and we went to Village Coffee for old time's sake. Sipped apple cider and played catch up. He broke if off with his girl, and I sighed a good riddance. He told me he wants me back and I told him to give me time. He asked if time meant until Chris was gone. I didn't say anything and he said okay. I haven't thought much about Chris being gone again. And for real this time. I know I don't mean to him what he means to me. He'll have another me within weeks once he gets to Austin. I'm dealing with that I guess. Holly came to see me at work yesterday, I was apprehensive at first but talking to her makes me realize that it's okay to feel. I want to be close to her and find myself wondering, even worrying if she still wants to move to Atlanta, and if she offers again, baby, I've got the itch so deep. My journal was stolen by a girl I was friends with. I hope she found out everything she wanted to know, and I hope it was worth our friendship. It's late and I want the biggest coffee that the cabinets can offer.
it's after midnight thirty, baby, and i'm feelin' alive.
i find myself falling back into some bad, bad habits like staying out with friends until the wee morning when i have to be up and at school at seven, haphazard eating and drinking way more coffee than water. but how can i say no to a few drinks, a head with no worries and gettin' down to some swingin' tunes. i can't. all of this and more will catch up with me rather soon, i'm sure. christopher will be here tomorrow. you know what that makes me? the happiest girl in the whole wide world, that's what. it's true. i hate being away from him, i don't much feel like a whole person. i guess that's a little dramatic, but he leaves such an empty space when he goes away that i feel like i've been deflated. i feel insatiable with people that aren't him. so i obsess over every new face, new friend, until i'm bored with them and their tired same shit different day stories. he'll be by my side starting tomorrow and for the next long while that's where he'll be and i couldn't be happier.
I just ate an entire bag of gummy bears minus the green ones because we all know they don't taste up to par with the others. I just ate the green ones now, too. I couldn't let them go to waste.Oh, no. My hormones are messing with me - as they like to do during bleed week. It's like I lose all control over my feelings and my thoughts and I know I'm losing control and can't do a thing about it. My mind freaking itself out. Oh, frustration. Let's throw in being hopelessly needy on top of all of that. I looked for apartments for a long time today. All the ones that I could afford were full. I guess that means we're all poor. It's cold, cold outside and all I want is to be warm and held and share some hot chocolate with the man I love.
Eighteen days until Chris is here with me again. I can't wait.
Sleep texting is a habit getting quite out of control; last night I sent this text to Blakely - nonsensical and nearly in cryptics : "tthe grass isa lways, grren where you .wa lk. c'mnm and stand by me," . Ridiculous. I shouldn't sleep with my phone in my bed another night. I awoke to an email on my phone from him this morning, apologizing for actions that he shouldn't feel sorry about and telling me that he finds me 'refreshingly real and cinematic'. He's a good kid, but he worries too much. Oh, there's a funny joke, me telling someone they worry too much. Ha. Ha.
I feel alive and happy today in ways that would do my horoscope proud. I'm going to see Band of Horses tonight with Robster Lobster and his girl. Living, Living. Let's go.
Twenty more days until Christopher is here again. I'm so ready.
I feel alive and happy today in ways that would do my horoscope proud. I'm going to see Band of Horses tonight with Robster Lobster and his girl. Living, Living. Let's go.
Twenty more days until Christopher is here again. I'm so ready.
I've been away from here for a while, it's true. Been a busy busy bee with work and school and work and school. Very little time to sit back and relax. I've learned a few lessons including : men can be very misleading. Like the Cursive song. . . It's February, and that makes me happy for a number of reasons. The biggest and bestest is that Mister Christopher returns this month. Oh what glee! I can't wait. Words can't express how happy and excited and girly this makes me. Less than a month. : ]
I have also claimed this February as "Anti-Consumerism February". I will not be purchasing a single thing outside of necessity [food, transportation, etc. .]. Also, I'm considering shopping at thrift stores on limits. I will admit to having had a shopping problem, especially when it comes to cute clothes. I'm getting over it with little problem. I just think that taking this month to buy absolutely nothing will help end it all together. Put the 'kibosh' on it, if you will. It is but only three days into it but I haven't had one single shopping urge. Hoo-rah.
Happy February, all.
I started school Monday. My very first semester of college. It's such a weird feeling, going back after not being in school for two years. The feeling isn't uncomfortable exactly, maybe I just feel vulnerable. I'm not entirely sure. I feel alone in ways that I haven't in a very long time. Lonely at school is one small thing, but Mister Christopher left Wednesday. . .I barely kept it together. I slept on the ride to the airport, I didn't want to face it. I feel bad about not taking advantage of that time with him, but I didn't want to risk freaking out. I felt like I was in a tunnel the entire time we were at the airport, there was an aching build up and I almost lost it when he hugged me goodbye. I didn't want to let go. I didn't want to watch him walk away. I didn't want to let him go beyond that barrier, that invisible wall, at airports just past security. I held it together until that point, when I knew I couldn't walk up and hug him one more time. I'm glad Cindy was there. I cried on her, but continued to force it all back the best that I could. We waited until he was gone. Off the ground. I had the biggest coffee that I could find and downed it too fast, like it would make it all go away. It didn't, but it put me in a state to be around other people. I couldn't even sleep alone that night, so Cindy slept with me. I'm pathetic, I know. I didn't really freak out until school yesterday. He's gone. . . fuck. Then again at work. Really gone. . . fuck.He does seem happy to be back in Portland, so at least there is that. . .I was invited by some kids at school to go to a movie and have some booze tomorrow night. I'm going to take them up on their offer. I need to distract myself before I go mad. I fell back into my morning routine today, and it made me feel heavy. I had tea, listened to the new Radiohead, ate some cereal [Orangutan O's style. . . . .: / ] and started a new book. The weather is amazing outside. Amazing. I'm going to wear a shirt that isn't mine and leggings and go out to play.
the year is winding down, yes sir.
It's so cold outside. The more I think of it the more it seems to reflect how I feel inside. I thought I had rid myself of that ugly seasonal affective disorder. Mayhaps I was wrong. Don't get it twisted, lately I have been just about the happiest girl in the whole wide world - but there are still little episodes of overwhelming uncertainty. So many, what ifs....what happens when...what am i going to do when....and the list goes on. I had a discussion with Robbie that ended in him telling me that I had haunting eyes. What does that even mean? I'm used to people commenting on my eyes. They are intensely blue, but that's certainly the most interesting comment on them that I've heard - and the only one that has really stuck in my head. Mister Christopher and I had the opportunity to go to Georgia Tech's Demo Day a few weeks ago, and explore a little of Atlanta. It was a real blast, and reminded me so much of the Seattle days. Chris and I exploring places that I've never been. It makes me really feel alive.
oh, what am i going to do...
I did some exploring with Mister Christopher today - one of my favorite things in the whole wide world to do with one of my favorite people in the whole wide world to do anything with. I try not to think about things like 'who will I go exploring with when he's gone' or more like 'who will i do anything with when he's gone'. I just don't know. I'm going to be lost. I'm trying to, at least, hold off thinking about these things until he is gone and spend every moment that I have with him while he's here. He makes me the happiest girl in the world.
I want to set aside time to do something I've never done, perhaps in the field that I've photographed above. Watch the sun rise, and set. No, I've never done either of those things. I can see myself, in the cool, damp morning, wrapped in a blanket under the round tree enjoying a warm thermos of chai tea. Waiting. Waiting. Waiting. Watching. Then lounging in the evening, laying on the blanket I was wrapped in. . .with a book and a bottle of water. . .waiting. . .waiting. . .
Hopefully soon.
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Recent Comments
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Brandy said:
I'm glad you had fun. :) And American Psycho is a great movie. My boyfriend's brother got it for me... read more
on Calling in sick [of work]. -
Tak said:
You've got nothing to worry about. I know from personal experience, no one replaces a Jessy. read more
on if i lived alone. -
[[krystal]] said:
Im sorry that bizzle stole your journal (bizzle is my new word for bitch). I just wanted to tell you... read more
on if i lived alone. -
Van De Graeff said:
oohhhhh! :( goodbyes are hard sometimes but make the hellos even better:) read more
on elbow in the appropriate place;
I would really like to read the book. I've read other books by Bret Easton Ellis but 'American Psycho' has... read more
on Calling in sick [of work].